Are You Bothering People?

Do they secretly think you're annoying?

Hi friends,

The short answer to both of the questions in the hed and subhed here are No and No. I understand your brain might be telling you differently! Mine sure does!! Basically every single day! There are many reasons for this that are best detailed by a therapist and not your local know-it-all literary agent, but, just know that if you get a ping from your brain every time you tweet or send an email concerning your book, just know that you’re not alone.

But really, though—are you bothering people when you send an email check-in or query nudge? If you say buy my book! on twitter? Or ask your editor or agent a question? Let’s take them one by one and see.

Just checking in!

Roughly 35% of all emails I send are just checking in! emails. It’s my job to check in to see who the edit is coming, how the writing is going, if the check is in the mail, if the marketing plan is ready, if there’s an offer on the horizon. I have become immune to the anxiety of checking in, mostly, through sheer exposure. Not 100% of the time though! It still gives me a pang when I have to check in with an editor because I don’t know what’s going on in their life. Everyone is struggling!!!! Me, too!!!! All I can do is approach kindly and with as much understanding as possible. I might not get it right all the time, but I am only human as well.

And you, author, can do the same. You are allowed to check in. You are allowed to be frustrated that things take a long time. (Getting frustrated AT me or whoever will not get your answer faster!) But checking in does not automatically delay your answer (or speed it along) or bring about the bad news you might fear it will. People who send check-in or nudge emails do not get automatically rejected. These emails are not a bother. They are a subtle reminder that I wish I could get to things faster, but that is not your fault. It’s just how this business is going right now. It is ok to check in, if you do it kindly and with as much understanding as possible.

Buy My Book!

Asking people to buy your work is hard. It puts you in a vulnerable position. You are saying please exchange your hard earned money for this precious thing I also worked hard on, even though you don’t know if you’re going to ultimately like it. When you say buy my book! it feels like you are saying Love me! Approve of me! Validate me! And that is THE WORST. I personally do not like to have those feelings! And they are feelings I have even when I send out my clients’ books, because their success reflects on me as well. BUT. I have also become (more) immune to this through practice, and you can, too. The key is to remember that you are providing people with information about something they may like or learn from. Their opinion of your work is none of your business! I’m sure you don’t tell everyone what you think of their work, even if you want to, especially if you didn’t like it. (PSA: don’t tag authors in negative reviews of their books on social media. Just don’t.) Sharing news about your book and how to buy/read/enjoy it is your only job. Once you’ve done that, the onus is on the reader to decide to buy/read/enjoy it. And it’s none of your business if they do or do not! (Ok, it is technically your business if they buy/read it or not, but the personal reasons they choose to do so or not is none of your business.) You can’t force anyone to buy your book. You can only tell them where to get it and why they might like it. And if you don’t, then they might never know, and they’ll never have the chance to decide if they like it or not. It’s better to tell them than to hide, even if it’s hard to do the telling. With practice, it gets much easier, I promise.

Quick Question

If you have a publishing professional in your life—either your agent, or editor, or a trusted friend—it’s ok to ask question! Especially if this person is your agent or editor, it’s their JOB to answer your questions. No question is “dumb.” Maybe you think you should know the answer, but for whatever reason you don’t, or you need a refresher, or got something mixed up. This is ok! You are not expected to be an expert, especially early in your career, and tbh new situations come up all the time, even for the most seasoned author. That’s why I do Q&A Thursdays (for subscribers). Everyone has a million questions and that’s ok. You are very likely asking a question that your agent or editor has answered before, either to you or someone else. That is ALSO OK. Your job is not to entertain me with the novelty of your questions. Your job is to ask me things so I can explain them so we can, together, make the best decisions about your career. Do not be afraid to ask questions!

It’s possible you will get a response like let’s talk about this when I’m done reading/editing/etc etc. And that is ok, too! Your agent or editor had a good idea of what’s helpful to know and when, and you can trust that they will tell you when you need to know. And if they forget, you can ask again! Having a question does mean you are unintelligent or unworthy or unprepared. You just….have a question.

I hereby give you permission to follow up, nudge, promote your book, ask questions. It is ok. You are not ruining your chances of—anything—by doing these things. And I promise, it gets easier the more you do it.

Happy asking,

Kate