Great piece Kate! I am reading far more books than spending time on internet (haven’t watched TV either since July). As a writer and novelist it’s my job to read a lot of books as well as my great pleasure . But it was your point about ‘shoulds’ tjat really hit home!
Kate, this is so refreshing. I feel like we all need to just accept our limitations and be generous in extending grace to others. We are humans, not machines. The "shoulds" of our lives often get us into trouble. That's when we begin shuffling everything into categories. We put undue pressure on ourselves and others. And, well, we live in strange times, but I think what you're saying here holds so much value. Essentially it's about getting back to our humanity.
Oooohhh -this one landed. The light you shine here on relating shoulds to judgement ..... ummm yeah. Sometimes I’m shoulding all over others under the guise of helping them but maybe I’m just being all judgy judgy. Ouch. I need to look at that closer!
“There’s advice, of course, and then there’s should as a cover for judgement”
Yeah, I reread that sentence a few times.
Thanks for the piece, Kate. So many take aways.
(And those damn claw machines get me every time, too! 🙃)
Loved this! Someone once suggested using “want to” instead of “should” as it helps motivate you, eg “I want to eat more healthily”. I had never thought before that doing the same for our general prejudices also kind of reveals them for what they are.
Kate, Kate, Kate. Is this what happens when you open the door to queries? A storm of shoulds? Some of my writing is about politics and climate (not my fiction, I don’t do lectures , just stories) and yes, doing that is not cathartic at all. I wrote about Israel this morning and that did not make anything better, except it forced me to think through my visceral reactions. So, try and meditate to chase those shoulds away. Maybe get out and drink a coffee somewhere without any devices? Just a thought. M
Kate, you nail it for me in the last paragraph. It's all about the anger. People getting mad at each other -- really mad, foaming-at-the-mouth mad -- because they didn't follow each other's shoulds. How idiotic is that?! Not to mention fruitless. And arrogant. Okay, I'll stop now. But ... thank you!
Love the angle you took on this post! The "shoulds" definitely pile up and us perfectionists out there want to hit them all. I would loved for you to write about balancing the "shoulds" in publishing. When you get contradictory feedback or when you don't agree with the recommendation.
It gets so messy when I "should" all over myself...
Great piece Kate! I am reading far more books than spending time on internet (haven’t watched TV either since July). As a writer and novelist it’s my job to read a lot of books as well as my great pleasure . But it was your point about ‘shoulds’ tjat really hit home!
Kate, this is so refreshing. I feel like we all need to just accept our limitations and be generous in extending grace to others. We are humans, not machines. The "shoulds" of our lives often get us into trouble. That's when we begin shuffling everything into categories. We put undue pressure on ourselves and others. And, well, we live in strange times, but I think what you're saying here holds so much value. Essentially it's about getting back to our humanity.
Reminds me of a quote from the 1997 movie "Amistad" that stuck with me:
"I can't translate 'should'."
"There's no Mende word for 'should'?"
"No. Either you do something, or you don't do it."
Here's to the Abdication of Should.
One of my many hills I’ll die upon is for a great understanding of “want” and “need.” In our lives. This falls in that camp.
Thanks for sharing, and good luck on the reading project.
I love that you used a footnote instead of parenthesis to simply share that you’re going to be asleep. I love a good footnote 🤣
After a dozen rewrites, I should have sent my Query off to you by now...As always, thanks for your wisdom~and your words~
Oooohhh -this one landed. The light you shine here on relating shoulds to judgement ..... ummm yeah. Sometimes I’m shoulding all over others under the guise of helping them but maybe I’m just being all judgy judgy. Ouch. I need to look at that closer!
“There’s advice, of course, and then there’s should as a cover for judgement”
Yeah, I reread that sentence a few times.
Thanks for the piece, Kate. So many take aways.
(And those damn claw machines get me every time, too! 🙃)
Loved this! Someone once suggested using “want to” instead of “should” as it helps motivate you, eg “I want to eat more healthily”. I had never thought before that doing the same for our general prejudices also kind of reveals them for what they are.
Kate, Kate, Kate. Is this what happens when you open the door to queries? A storm of shoulds? Some of my writing is about politics and climate (not my fiction, I don’t do lectures , just stories) and yes, doing that is not cathartic at all. I wrote about Israel this morning and that did not make anything better, except it forced me to think through my visceral reactions. So, try and meditate to chase those shoulds away. Maybe get out and drink a coffee somewhere without any devices? Just a thought. M
Kate, you nail it for me in the last paragraph. It's all about the anger. People getting mad at each other -- really mad, foaming-at-the-mouth mad -- because they didn't follow each other's shoulds. How idiotic is that?! Not to mention fruitless. And arrogant. Okay, I'll stop now. But ... thank you!
My kind of thinking too! I do what I can with love and the shoulds are for the ones who never want to fail.
Your sentiments all reverberate with me. Thank you!
Thank you! It's always helpful to be reminded not to be ruled by the "shoulds". Don't should yourself. I should get that tattooed on my arm.
Yes, yes, and yes times about 100.
Love the angle you took on this post! The "shoulds" definitely pile up and us perfectionists out there want to hit them all. I would loved for you to write about balancing the "shoulds" in publishing. When you get contradictory feedback or when you don't agree with the recommendation.
Good post. Thanks for the sanity today.