Fun (maybe) fact: when we think about ourselves in the future, the same area of the brain lights up as when we think about strangers, which is a different region when we think about ourselves. So it can be really easy to say YES when the decision affects us far in the future because we literally don't consider that future person to be us.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. What about those classes that seem so appealing, but then end up eating up all your writing time? That's what I struggle with.
As someone who is currently VERY MUCH REGRETTING taking on a freelance gig that I knew I'd hate, I strongly cosign this. I took the job out of fear of saying no and burning a bridge and it has so not been worth it. I might need the follow up to this: it is also okay to quit jobs you hate.
Ironically, I recently posted about saying no to a job. Honestly, I wasn't too excited about the job opportunity but I couldn't bring myself to say no so I let it play out.
A few years back, when I found myself getting annoyed about all the asks that could potentially bite into my precious writing time, a phrase popped into my head. "Yes is the new no." I imagined myself wearing it on a tee shirt with my chin thrust out in defiance. Then it occurred to me that my annoyance was misplaced. That people will ask and it's up to me to say no. To be the grownup and look realistically at my personal balance sheet. To not feel the need to over explain my answer. It's liberating and oozing with self love to simply say thanks, but no. I love this post! Thank you, Kate.
Sound advice for many aspects of life. I learned at some point the tip to "always say no first because it's usually easy to go back and change your mind to a yes but not so for the opposite" ... Of course, you can also say, "I need to think about that" or some variation on that - the point really is more what you say to yourself to take the time to pause and figure out what's best for you.
A dinner party for 24 tomorrow night, hosting a Solstice celebration on Thursday for many, wrapping the last of many gifts for our local women's shelter. Fulfilling the promise to edit another writer's query...and yet another trip to the post office...Taping this column to my forehead~thanks oh wise one, Again~
Kate, the truth is today that if an agent or publisher isn't interested, you don't hear from them. Or there's that (and I am paraphrasing here) if you don't hear from us in four months — or whatever — take that as a no. There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part it is the great wall of silence.
As always, Kate, you give us such sensible advice, telling us things we SHOULD know, but seldom remember in our "Oh, somebody please love us!" moods. My favorite line here is "Jobs won't love us back." I'll post that on my fridge as a reminder to be more careful with my time in 2024.
Ooof, what a sigh of relief it was to read this post. I felt so much lighter by the end, and my creeping overwhelm about the year ahead has dissipated. Thank you so much!!
Also: EB White’s “I must decline, for secret reasons.”
Fun (maybe) fact: when we think about ourselves in the future, the same area of the brain lights up as when we think about strangers, which is a different region when we think about ourselves. So it can be really easy to say YES when the decision affects us far in the future because we literally don't consider that future person to be us.
Whoa!!!
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. What about those classes that seem so appealing, but then end up eating up all your writing time? That's what I struggle with.
As someone who is currently VERY MUCH REGRETTING taking on a freelance gig that I knew I'd hate, I strongly cosign this. I took the job out of fear of saying no and burning a bridge and it has so not been worth it. I might need the follow up to this: it is also okay to quit jobs you hate.
Ironically, I recently posted about saying no to a job. Honestly, I wasn't too excited about the job opportunity but I couldn't bring myself to say no so I let it play out.
You can read about the story here.
https://3guaguas.substack.com/p/cancelled
A few years back, when I found myself getting annoyed about all the asks that could potentially bite into my precious writing time, a phrase popped into my head. "Yes is the new no." I imagined myself wearing it on a tee shirt with my chin thrust out in defiance. Then it occurred to me that my annoyance was misplaced. That people will ask and it's up to me to say no. To be the grownup and look realistically at my personal balance sheet. To not feel the need to over explain my answer. It's liberating and oozing with self love to simply say thanks, but no. I love this post! Thank you, Kate.
Ok but an enthusiastic YES to all of this advice!
Sound advice for many aspects of life. I learned at some point the tip to "always say no first because it's usually easy to go back and change your mind to a yes but not so for the opposite" ... Of course, you can also say, "I need to think about that" or some variation on that - the point really is more what you say to yourself to take the time to pause and figure out what's best for you.
Thank you so much for this. I'm someone who needs to hear this on at least a weekly basis. <3
Absorbing the wisdom here - thank you.
This could not be more spot on!! Thank you for the perfect reminder. Happy holidays. xx
A dinner party for 24 tomorrow night, hosting a Solstice celebration on Thursday for many, wrapping the last of many gifts for our local women's shelter. Fulfilling the promise to edit another writer's query...and yet another trip to the post office...Taping this column to my forehead~thanks oh wise one, Again~
I adore you Kate and this beautiful newsletter. happy holidays to you and thank you for your marvellous work xoxo
I need this advice on a plaque or needlepoint, or maybe a tattoo.
Kate, the truth is today that if an agent or publisher isn't interested, you don't hear from them. Or there's that (and I am paraphrasing here) if you don't hear from us in four months — or whatever — take that as a no. There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part it is the great wall of silence.
Unfortunately this is often the case
As always, Kate, you give us such sensible advice, telling us things we SHOULD know, but seldom remember in our "Oh, somebody please love us!" moods. My favorite line here is "Jobs won't love us back." I'll post that on my fridge as a reminder to be more careful with my time in 2024.
Ooof, what a sigh of relief it was to read this post. I felt so much lighter by the end, and my creeping overwhelm about the year ahead has dissipated. Thank you so much!!